Befriending Death
Scripture: Romans 8:31–39 (CEB)
Preacher: Rev. Cathy Abbott

How might facing our own mortality help us live more fully?

In this message, Rev. Cathy Abbott reflects on what it means to befriend death—not by giving up on life, but by learning to approach our finiteness with greater trust in God, deeper dependence on others, and a renewed sense of wonder at the world around us.

Drawing on her experience of watching her father grow older and decline in health, Pastor Cathy shares her own struggle with mortality and the grief that accompanied his death. Even as a person of faith who believes in the resurrection, she found herself wrestling with fear, sadness, and the reality that death would eventually come for her, too. Her experience raises an important question: How do we face our own mortality as people who trust in God?

Our culture often keeps death at a distance. We may avoid talking about it, treat aging as something to resist at all costs, or believe that acknowledging death means giving up hope. But Pastor Cathy invites us to consider another possibility: that learning to befriend death can free us from some of our fear and help us live more intentionally in the time we have.

Drawing on the spiritual writing of Henri Nouwen, she explores the idea that befriending death is part of our spiritual formation. Rather than viewing death only as an enemy to fight, we can begin to see it as a homecoming—a return to the God who has never stopped loving us. Romans 8 offers a powerful assurance that neither death nor life, nor anything else in all creation, can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

What might it look like to live with that kind of trust?

Pastor Cathy shares a story about a dying piano teacher whose hospice nurse asked her a simple question: “What does a good day look like?” At first, the answer was something as ordinary as being able to go to the bathroom independently. Eventually, the teacher expressed a desire to give piano lessons one last time. With the help of her hospice team, she did just that, and her students later gathered to give her a recital. Even near the end of her life, she found a way to share her gifts and receive the love of those around her.

This story reminds us that a good day does not have to look the way it once did. Even as our abilities change, there can still be purpose, connection, and joy. Befriending death invites us to ask what matters most now, what we can learn through difficult experiences, and how we might continue growing in love.

Pastor Cathy also explores Henri Nouwen’s suggestion that facing our mortality calls us to become like children again, acknowledging our dependence on God and on one another. In a culture that prizes independence, productivity, and control, allowing ourselves to receive care can be difficult. Yet we were never meant to navigate life alone. Learning to loosen our grip and lean into the love of others can become an act of faith.

Finally, drawing on the poetry of Mary Oliver and the example of Jane Goodall, Pastor Cathy invites us to approach life with curiosity and amazement. Mary Oliver imagined reaching the end of her life knowing she had been “married to amazement”—fully awake to the world rather than merely passing through it. Befriending death can help us appreciate the beauty, relationships, and ordinary gifts we might otherwise take for granted.

The invitation is not to stop grieving, ignore the realities of aging, or pretend that death is easy. It is to trust that God's love holds us through every season of life. As we become more at peace with our finiteness, we may discover a greater capacity to live each day with courage, wonder, and love.

Reflection Questions:

• What does a good day look like?

• Henri Nouwen suggests that befriending death involves becoming like a child again, leaning into dependence on God and on others. Is there a place in your life right now where you are resisting that kind of dependence? What might it look like to loosen your grip and lean in?

• Mary Oliver wrote that she wanted to live like someone “married to amazement,” fully awake to the world around her. What is something in your own life that you want to pay more attention to or not take for granted? What would it look like to live that way this week?

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